16 easy steps to become a fraud billionaire

Fraud is the evil version of smart. When the Satyam scam was revealed, the first thing that came to many minds is ’How many more companies like these exist?’ rest assured I can confidently say – Many.

BRR… (Byrraju Ramalinga Raju) truly gave us the chills this winter. He would probably be the only one to confess of his misdoings. Many will try to cover up. Had this event happened in China, the fraud would have been completely in wraps by the Chinese Government. They cannot allow their country to be tainted. But we do. Ours is a democracy.

I think setting up a fraud company is easy if you are a people’s person, and have a little bit of money to spend as investment to create billions. All you need is a bit of money to survive six months and panache in making friends with people who matter. Here is my version of things you need to do be a successful fraud billionaire!

Sweet Sixteen steps to a billion dollar future –
1. Look into the newspapers and find out the most emerging sector in the next three years. You have to be there in the thick when the boom has arrived.
2. Create a plan. Not just a business plan, but along with it a plan how you will make money and exit the business. You need to be focused on the end result.
3. Form a company. Start small, and make the business plan showing the large numbers that the business shall make for the investors. Collect newspaper cuttings to reiterate the fact.
4. Find a hardworking partner. A genius. This is the guy you would be F***ing up in the end. Show your large-heartedness by making him a signatory. He will take you as a God-send. But you are going to have the last laugh!
5. Get a fabulous website. Copy paste content from leading businesses in your competition site and make your own content. Focus more on polishing up with your credentials. Appoint a marketing guy who would bring in small time projects into your company. The marketing guy and the co-promoter you appointed will get the ball rolling for the company. But remember you are here to make the big bucks.
6. Network. Go for CII conferences, peer conferences. Wear a suite and remmber to wear a Montblanc pen in your suite. Make high flying friends. If you have the right aptitude you will never pay for the drinks or the dinner or lunch. If you can do that, you are closer to success.
7. Simultaneously, approach retired chairmen’s, vice presidents or ex-bosses to be a non-executive Director of your board. Or ask them to be advisors. They would always love to be part of a board of a different company. Sometimes a good ego massage and a bottle of champagne can do the trick.
8. Update your website with the decorated board of directors. Keep sending them gifts and personally deliver the quarterly reports. Talk about the business for five minutes and then shift to the weather and the best games and movies. Chances are they will become your best friends and trust you better.
9. Get a friend or his company to audit. Remember he must be as hungry for money as you are.
10. Get ready to get in investment. Announce that know you plan to go big. Cheer up the team. You need them. Announce Esops for all the loyal employees. Start hiring. Put a press release that you are hiring heavily. Take some loan from banks, even un-secure loans. Remember you are not the signatory ;)
11. Approach investors. Be vivacious. Be unrealistic. Use the word ‘passion’ as many times as possible. Talk about your past, or if you don’t have any decorative past, cook it up. Never take names. They might know the people. Drop names of people you have networked with from Step no. 6.
12. Chances are that a smart investor will catch you right in the start. If you get caught just use the statement 'Those investors did not find a convincing synergy with their business functions' or any likewise misleading statements. Remember, you have to fish for investors who are known for money laundering. It is just for this level of investment. Once you cross this, then the world is your playground. This is your biggest challenge. But once you have such an ignorant investor, you are cool on your way of becoming a billionaire.
13. Start international travels. Open an office in the US. Scout for work and apply for US citizenship. Hand over operations in India to someone dumb.
14. Start an LLC in your own company name, but just you and your family as the shareholders. Start sending work to India. Bill in your US firms name, say that the US firms are comfortable only if the company has a US office. Here is the big bucks coming your way. You send the operating expenses to your Indian counterpart. The profits are now yours alone.
15. After a few years, say that it is difficult to sustain and that you would like to exit. Demand a lumpsum for your shareholding. Hand the Indian counterpart details of your clients. You cant manage it yourself anyways!
16. If you are smart you end up being rich and start another fraud company or become an investor. If the scam is unearthed, the poor guy who you made as a partner is screwed and you are sitting safe in the US!

All the best!!

Disclaimer: I will not accept any responsibility or liability if someone fails to become a billionaire using this method. Oh yes, I shall definitely try to come and meet you in jail! Follow this method at your own risk!