A New Year with 'A New Life'

How many of us can begin a New year with A New Life? Literally...
I did. I was reading the book 'A New Life' by Orhan Pamuck. :-)

This new year was a bit special. Firstly, no party. no friends, no family. Sounds bad? Not really... I was on my way back home from my home town chugging through the beautiful landscapes when the clock struck 12 surrounded by total strangers. After a long time, I was traveling by train from my home town and I think I will do that for the rest of my life, instead of the usual aerial route. It costs less, it takes me very close to my house and the best of all, the beautiful topography that greets you has an astounding effect on your stressed out mind.

I could say, I saw the last sunset of 2007 and the first sunrise of 2008. The sunset was spectacular. As the train passed through Murudeshwar, the sun was setting with the statue of Shiva, 100 feet tall, on the side bidding farewell to the Sun of 2007.

The sunrise was equally beautiful with the Sun emerging from the horizon breaking the chillness of the fog with its warm sun beams kissing the swamps on the East...

Here is wishing everybody a very Happy New Year!

Arranged marriage – Meeting no. 3

Its kind of getting boring. Probably, every time I meet someone, I feel, it is better to be alone than be with someone. No comments on this meeting. Probably, people are unique in their own way, and there is a reason why they are getting married. I don’t have a reason and that’s why I find no one. I kept my eyes focused on the ice-cream I was eating. It was a discussion about philosophy. And here is what I learnt from myself about philosophy.

‘Philosophy is bullshit unless put into practice’

She was a producer of shows for a leading channel. So when my dad asked me to speak to her, I expected someone with a commanding voice. Someone who gets things done. But on the contrary, I heard a voice that was sweet as a cuckoo. So we started talking for a bit. The talk went well and we decided to meet at Infinity mall. I was to take an off for the day as mom was not well, but a call from the office and I was back with Tiger on my way back. That is when an sms came from Farrukh. Its Leah’s birthday, so do make some fuss. Leah is a co-worker who had come down from Canada to our studio for a project. So, I met Leah and wished her. She said ‘I usually don’t work on my birthday, but you guys are special, so I am working.’ I asked her what her plans were. She said she will cook and probably go out for a drink somewhere. Another fone call and I came to know Akshat and Nancy were in town and they wanted to go clubbing. Everything kind of fitted into each other perfectly. So the plan was done. After my meeting with the girl, I would pick Leah and meet Akshat and Nancy and go clubbing. So after the meeting, I drove back to Leah’s place, picked her up and left for Bandra, where they were put up. A small little walk later, we headed for Zenzi. Zenzi was packed and we had a waiting for 30 minutes, so we pushed off to Poison.

Well, what happened later was a revelation for myself. I was partying after two years!! I had forgotten what joy was, that life was much more than work, that partying with friends and having a good time is just about taking time out and spending it with close ones. I hope I remember this and keep enjoying myself without forgetting it in the midst of work.

Philosophy of the day -
Its so great having a child, the feeling of having a life growing inside you. It is the best feeling that anyone can ever have!

Have you heard of tapeworms????

YYYUUCKKK!!!

The philosophy of a Pune Biker

I had gone to Pune for a meeting. Drove down the expressway and then entered into the city. One of the peculiarities of Pune is the fact that people are completely laid back while driving. Already late because of the Mumbai Traffic, i was completely out of ideas when the bike in front of me refused to accelerate, give a side even though the rest of the traffic was moving at 50 kmph. I checked my speedometer. It was 30 kmph. I kept honking, but he was least bothered to move. So when i got a little gap on the right, i overtook and decided to talk to the guy about some driving ethics.

Me: Boss, itna slow chala rahe ho, bike hai, side toh de sakte hai na, doosron ko kyu thakleef de rahe ho?
Biker: Agar four wheeler hotha toh?

Arranged marriage – Meeting no. 2

After the first debacle, I was a little hesitant to meet again. The blind date was kind of a nervous thing, but parents were insistent as ever. I had to call her in the morning and fix on a time. Again didnt manage to see her snap before i met her, but i think it is nice not to see someone before you meet them. The kind of prejudice you might have about looks can totally overpower a beautiful personality that lay within. So, after three consistent call from my mother in the space of 30 minutes, i called her...

SP (Banker):

Me: Hello... is this SP?
SP: Yes, who is this?
Me: P. My dad asked me to call you and see when we can meet!
SP: Well P, the thing is, isnt it better if we could talk and see if we could bear each other for 15 min on the phone, we could meet up personally?
Me: (thinking) Hmm... sounds intelligent (talking) sure... tell me what do you do..

Well, the first conversation lasted around 30 min. We kind a hit it off. So we decided to speak in the evening when both were relatively free. The conversation in the evening wento off for another hour and we decided to meet at CCD. I told her about the incident so we thought it might be better to avoid it and go to Barista instead, but we went to CCD at Carter Road.

Finally on Sunday we met, and spoke. Spoke for more than 5 hours. I knew i had a new friend. When we parted, we knew folks at home will be waiting for an answer. We had hit it off well, but were still uncertain. So we decided to be friends, and give our friendship time.

At home -
Mom: (Wide eyed) What happened?
Me: I made a friend!
Dad: What?
Me: I made a friend!
Dad: You think we are trying to increase your friend circle for you?
Mom: So do you guys like each other?
Me: I mean i like her as a friend and i am not sure if she is the one i want to marry!
Mom: What should we do? What should we tell her parents?
Me: I dont know!
Dad: I dont know why we are even looking for a girl for you. Did you know, we have checked 107 horoscopes by now and she is one of the few that has matched so well...
Me: OK, wait for their call...

I called her up after the conversation. Came to know it is the same reaction on her side too.

Now, I am sure, i am figuring out a way about marriages. Dont know how it works. There have been many divorces happening around and that adds a little apprehension. I believe, one can live without love, but one will die without friendship!

Arranged marriage – The first meeting

After a lot of coercion from my parents, I finally, reluctantly, decided to meet a girl. This meeting has opened me into a new world. What happened was weird but … (lets not reveal the suspense) But it made me realize that arranged marriages are indeed fun, specially before finding ‘the ONE’. I felt it would make an interesting collection of memories, something that one could introspect later and laugh about it. I wouldn’t know how the following meetings would go ahead, whether it would be as interesting as the first one, but what the heck, let me begin.

Meeting 1 – S. M. (working as something in some shipping company)
The meeting was pre-decided by the parents. They had already matched the horoscopes. It showed 8/10 on the mark scale. That was great news because I never ever had got anything above 5/10 in my education life. So I felt proud of the marks.

We were to meet at Café Coffee Day. It seems a lot brews over coffee, so it seemed like the ideal place to meet. So the venue was decided to be in CCD at Hiranandani. I reached a bit early as there was not much traffic as much as I had expected. So I ordered for a Latte.

A girl walked in, and she looked around. She saw me and then walked towards me. OK. I told myself, you need to make this conversation simple. She came to the table and asked me – So you are P? The voice had a bit of arrogance. It seemed like she hated me before she met me. Had my reputation preceded me even before I met her?

Are you P? she asked resting her palm on the table and her other fist on the waist, her waist.

My parent’s fault, I said, I couldn’t get to decide my name, so I am stuck with P. I hope you don’t have a problem with that.

No… she replied looking away, sitting down.

What would you like to have?

Coffee, she replied looking away towards the road. The road was dark, so I couldn’t understand what was making her so distracted.

Well, obviously, coffee, its cafe coffee day right! But which coffee? You don’t expect them to serve pani puri! I tried to lighten her up and put her at it ease.

She gave me back a stern look, correction, a piercing look. She murdered me with her eyes. Café Latte, she said.

Café Latte it is, I told the waiter, who smiled as if he knew we were boyfriend girlfriend who had had a fight and I was the guy who was trying to make up with her. How romantic!

So… she stared at me… Ask me your typical question!
Folding her hands as if i was an interviewer and she, the interviewee!

‘Show me your teeth?’ I wanted to ask her. I honestly wished she had less effort in smiling! But I did not.

Why don’t you walk? I told her. Walk! I thought to myself. I wanted to say, why don’t you talk! But that were the words that came out! Why don’t you walk!! And before I could correct her, she got up!

I was shocked, and she started walking. I was amused.

She walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and sat in a rickshaw and I never saw her again!

The waiter came with the Latte. I smiled, had another mug of Latte, and left!

When did you feel at peace?

When did you feel peace, the last time?
Is there a place when you can feel at peace? Or can you feel at peace wherever you are?
Peace is a state of mind, i know that, but what is it that inspires you to be at peace?
I discovered it when i went to Banganga tank for our project. A place in Walkeshwar surrounded by around a 100 temples.

With a camera in hand, there was no choice but to keep clicking away. It is a silent world cocooned in a noisy world. sounds of vehicles just filter away as you reach the centre of this place. That is where i felt at peace this saturday... Some of the pics embody the feeling of how i felt...

A Perfect Life

Can life ever be perfect? A perfect question that has a perfect answer – No! or probably the answer is – Yes! Your life is in fact perfect, just the way it is, at this point of time, this moment. The only thing is we do not understand it that way!

There was a little girl, vivacious, pretty, beautiful, a ‘little’ dumb yet intelligent girl who lived in a place lively as herself. She wanted to live life in her own terms, but she was getting old and the parents – older. Her parents loved her very much and was concerned that she found a man who would take care of her. She wanted to find the perfect someone, the one she could spend her life with, share it with him, and enjoy the little joys of being together, waking up on the same side of the bed… very small, little things.

Her parents were concerned. The astrologers had predicted that she should be married before October or she may never get married at all. They loved their child and they could not see her future without a companion. Then one day, she was given an ultimatum, life came to a standstill for her and there was a showdown. She loved her parents immensely, so reluctantly she said yes to the proposal that had come in. The boy was from the gulf, working in a renowned international company at a managerial post. The parents were elated, relatives delighted, sensing the wonderful food they could have at the reception.

Both of them got married. The parents were relieved, the relatives burped and the couple began living their life of togetherness.

A week after she left to the Gulf with her husband, she came back. She felt cheated, she felt ‘f***ed’ up. Her marriage is on the brim of destruction. She is anticipating divorce! The parents are shocked. They said to her – ‘You should try to adjust.’ Her relatives had a hot topic for discussion over tea and coffee. ‘The boy is so handsome and well accomplished. It must be her fault!’

The relationship hangs on a thin thread now. Its like a cricket-match where 50 runs are needed in the last over. The result is known and the next six balls are just a formality unless some miracle happens…But there are no winners in this match.

The guy is gay!

Coming to my earlier question - ‘Can life be perfect?’
Difficult question, and as I consoled her, this was my take on it, my absolute gibberish take.

You wanted to live your life on your own terms. This experience has made you wiser. Parents will always be concerned, that is their job. Relatives will always be entertained, that’s what they are for. But you have to live in this world for yourself. Now you can. You treaded the path you parents wanted you to take. It failed miserably. Now there are no reasons you cant live life on your own terms. Life has given you that chance. Isnt life just perfect?

I guess it is. But it is painful. I admit it. But Life is perfect. In the larger scheme of things, everything fits perfectly somewhere else. Probably the guy might also have been coerced into marriage. He must have broken someones heart before getting married. Damages have been done, people have been hurt. But wounds heal. Time is the best healer. The perfection of life is probably in its imperfection. So gift yourself to life.

Feel the wind from the sea, spread your arms and embrace it. Walk barefoot in the sand. Draw your dreams with your toes in the sand. Love yourself. That’s the companion you have to share your life till the end of time. No matter what!

Love you Pinky. Love your smile. Show it to the world… Charm them, charm yourself…

My dream house

A little away from lonavala, i stumbled on this place... a place where i would like to build my dream house!!

Its all coming back to me now...

It has been 8 years when i sketched the last. The last i did it was in my final year design paper and i have never sketched ever since. The mouse took away the experiene of the pencil and my sketching floated into the horizon. So when i decided to go to Lonavala along with Kunal and Sasha (a Lab dog), i stole a pen tablet from the office and took it there. We drove around, went to Amby Valley, also stopped for a long time at a place, i dont remember the name, but it was beautiful. The sketches were done later in the hotel room which captured the essence of what i saw, the landscape, people, couples in love, lonely people, all kinds of people.. I had planned to write, but then, words wouldnt come out as i wanted. So instead i opened Photoshop and tried out quick sketching... Quick sketching, essentially is to capture the essence of the scene in front of you in less than 5 min. I was struggling initially, but it is getting better... i hope it gets better! It was a loong long time, but what came out was some things like this...

Sasha, waiting for Kunal, looking at the door to open


A scene from a film on a TV channel


A couple having a silent conversation at the restaurant in the resort


On the way to Amby Valley (The temple on the rock is my addition)


Another couple

Jab we met

My fav - Jerry Lewis

He taught me to smile, even at the toughest moment... Jerry Lewis, wherever you are... you are my hero! Thank you so much!

A wonderful film...

Me: I am feeling low. So low, i would have been in the basement. My heart was clinging on to the skin and piercing my thoughts. I should be enthusiastic. I have started working on my dream project. There is a vacuum in my heart. I remember the sadness that had enveloped me on the day when i was supposed to be happiest. Why is it that way?

Conscience: Dont seek happiness just be happy!

Me: How? What difference has it made to anybody? what dfference will it make for anybody?

C: There is somebody who you will make a difference to..

Me: Who?

C: You will know?

Me: When?

C: You will know.. beep beep beep

What is it that drives someone to change the world?
What is it that reason why someones world has changed?
What if the world is waiting for that someone?
What if that someone is someone’s world?
What if that someone never comes?

I just love this video!!!

Is the way the world functions really fair?

Over a year, a thought has been banging inside my head. The last time I wanted to buy a home for myself and my loan was rejected. The reason, my profile was 'too risky'. When i asked for an explanation, the banker said i needed to put collatrel to back up my loan. What type of collatrel was my next question. Pat came the answer 'Like a piece of land'. Then why the fuck would i need the money to buy a loan you moron, was my reply. That sealed my chance of getting the loan from the bank. And i really dont regret the fact that i said that. This is the theory that goes behind banking in India and probably the entire world.

The bank offers loans and earns on the interests. They are so scared that the money wont come back and hence demand a 'collatrel'. Now, this brings us to a point where-in the people who have a collatrel can take a loan and with those who do not have it can't. So, the bank, by choice eliminates the poor from its customers.

Once, i needed money to start my business. There was some money i had saved from the last job that could pay off the rent and bills for 6 months. I needed a business loan to mobilize and expand. I went to the bank. The question was 'Do I own the premises?' I said 'No'. You need to put up a collatrel for the loan. I had frowned in disgust. The message they passed was - Our bank only allows the rich to do business.

I bumped into a long lost school friend one day, and came to know he was a banker. So, over a cup of tea we began discussing about banks. He was talking about recovery of the loans from banks. From him I came to know that the recovery percentage was an issue with the bank. There were defaulters profound. And many of the rich dont repay it and know how to wrestle the legal system to escape payment.

Which means, If i am rich, i can get a loan, i dont payback the loan and i can get away with it. Which again means, the bank needs to recover the money and they hike the interest rates, whch actually means, the people who need the money it becomes a costly affair and further deepns the gap between the rich and the poor. The poor get poorer and the rich gets richer.

By this time, i started believing that everything done in this world is to please the rich. Technology, for instance, the immediate improvement it makes is to ease out the problems of the rich. The technological advances are redundant in third world countries, where the battle is still on for food clothing and shelter. The day technolgy will be meant for everyone is the day when a young boy in the remote village of Assam, can attend a lecture in IIT through the internet. That is when we know that technology has been put to good use. But in a Capitalist driven society, why would anyone do that? Where will the profits be?

I also think the rich love the existence of poverty. If not in their immediate neighbourhood, it might be the neighboring country. It allows philanthropy. But isnt philanthropy another tool to feed the ego?

Based on some of the radical ideas, i did go with a business plan to some investors for an idea to help in improving agriculture and slowly over a period of time to build agri into a very lucrative culture. The questions i got were pretty vague. We are not sure if it will work! was the answer. Well, we have to try and unless we try how will it work? I am pretty sure, if i was rich and if the business proposal i had made was of an IT company, I would have been sitting in a swanky office at Nariman Point and partying on Saturday Night.

Twenty20 - A marketing Bonanza

India is a crazy nation. The craziness makes us tick. Imagine this - India out of the world cup - viewership goes down - cricketers home are pelted - twenty20 announced - india wins world cup - crores showered on the cricketers.

Thus goes the ups and downs of India's cricketing world. I love Twenty20. It gets over in three- four hours, the game is fast paced. It ensures a nail-biting finish. Amazing alderaine rush. Every minute worth it.

Twenty20 is a fantastic marketing concept. It has bought a new leash of life into the world of cricket. Whoever thought of it is a marketing genius. So i thought of a concept that can beat this and make even more revenue and we can ensure India wins and make money in the bargain.

The match will be a five day match. The cricketers shall play on the ground. Whenever a batsman is batting, send an SMS. After the first innings, the scores earned by each batsman is counted + sms votes which are equated to the runs which make the final total. The match continues and the next team batting the same rules follow. Finally it is not just the scores that will matter, but also supporters.

And we, being die-hard fans of Indian cricket and idiots who dont mind sms'ng in the name of patriotism for cricket, will make India the world cup favorites over Australia!

Game anyone!!!

Finally back to work!

After a gruelling week, i am back to work!
So boring, sitting at home, watching the ceiling, meeting the doc's... the smell of the spirits in the hospital are so sickening. Nyways, its over and that is what counts.
And guess what, I finished three books in the last week and saw 6 movies back to back yesterday. Which ones? Here goes:
Cars (Animation), The Condemned (Action Thriller), Incredibles (Animation), Stranger than Fiction (Romantic Comedy), Pulp Fiction (Drama) and Good Will Hunting (Redemptive) Phew!!! I loved good Will Hunting. Matt Damon and Robin Williams are so good in the film. At a point when Matt is about to cry and Robin says 'Its not your fault', i think the scene was so moving i almost cried before i realised my sister was staring at my expressions...

But now its good to be back at work... So let the magic begin... again....

What hppens when you are back from the dead? Let me tell you how it feels. It is like you thank your heavens what a wonderful life it is. At the crossroads of death, you dont think about your telephone bills, fuel costs, global warming, unrecquitted love, uncertain future, all you think is 'I want to live'. Surprising, for when i was living, i always used to think, when will my misery end, and when the end came near, you were ready to face anything. Put out your hands on to anything to come out of the dark hole you are in. Now, I really appreciate life. Thanks... no tension of loans, no fussiness over credit card telemarketing guys, big sharks out to swollow you... nothin... this is life... enjoy to the fullest, for a few days back i saw what could have been and realised, what i can make of today and tomorrow is much better than 'The End'.

A birthday story for S

In a little nest on a tree, lived a little sparrow.
The sparrow hopped from branch to branch,
searching for food, to feed herself and her chicks...
Once the little sparrow stepped on a thorn,
She hurt herself, and from that day she limped...
Poor sparrow, everytime she hopped,
she would whimper in pain.
she hopped and hopped and hopped
when she finally came to face an owl.
The owl was old, he was wise.
She said to him about her pain
that she so fully agonized.
The old wise owl said to her.
Why do you need to hop, while all you need is to fly!

a dream....

As I drove by the river,
The rusty wild was passing by,
The road gave away suddenly,
Falling to a place I have never seen.

I ask the dusky maiden,
How this place could find me.
She said it was destiny.
That bought you back to me.

I saw little kids run to me,
They were wanting to hug me.
I started running away,
But they just kept following me.

An old man smiled seeing me,
A smile that could almost kill me
He said
Don’t run away from happiness,
Or happiness will run away..
??????

60 years of Freedom

A wonderful forward commemorating 60 years of Independence

Be sure to read all the way to the end!

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work, Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries, then
Tax his tears .

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his a**

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers,
Then tax him more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin ,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.

Put these words
upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove me to my doom".
When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.
LOOK HERE:


Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Roa d Usage Tax
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Inco me Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Ut i lity Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Water craft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
(This is just a partial listing!)

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago,
and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt,
had the largest middle class in the world,
and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened?

Can you spell

"politicians!"


REMEMBER THIS:


A GOVERNMENT BIG ENOUGH TO GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED - -

IS BIG ENOUGH TO TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING YOU HAVE !

I hope this goes around the USA at least 100 times

Our own news channel

Is ther any news channel that gives a news that is good news, unbiased news, relevant news? I scratch my head. The dry skin on the scalp disintegerates into 1000 pieces marking a snowfall in liceland. I wish Gibberish news was a channel. OK that gives me an idea. Why not make a channel of bloggers. An internet channel, where movies of daily happenings can be shot on a mobile phone and uploaded on the net. A peoples collective all over the world? Daily news from the people. To save people from uploading porn, we can have an editor for the site. I am sure someone can volunteer for that.

We can take small baby steps to creating a news channel contributed by people all over the country. What say? Anybody game? I am going to try anyways. Anyone can join anytime!!!

First dream in the first night at my first home

It was my first day at my home – alone. After a long long, really long time, I finally got a house on rent close to my office. The home is a small one, a 1 BHK flat. On the first floor. The only thing I don’t like about the home is that adjacent building windows can peep into my home, if they take the effort to do it. Living on the top floor at my parents house gave me a view that extended to Kanjurmarg. The home towered above rest of the houses and was breezy enough. It might take a little time for me to adjust. Get the curtains, the furniture. All I have right now is a rug and a quilt as my bed, a bean bag as my resting chair. A stove for chaa…

The first thing that struck me is that the house had a layer of dust. So I had to sweep the floor clean and then wipe it too. My colleagues recommended a ‘bai’, but I felt that it is my home, and the reason I shifted is to learn living on my own, without help. And besides with no exercise in our office life, what better than getting down on all fours and wiping 400 sft of floor!

Half an hour of work out (read: sweeping and wiping) and a bath later, I was ready to fall asleep. I put on the AC (It came in the deal) and stared at the ceiling. Surprisingly, I could hear crickets crying. The last I heard them was in my hometown, or probably, it was always there, but I never noticed it. Soon I slumbered into sleep. There was a dream.

I was with a small little girl, Greesha and another child. I was taking them to a film. They were enjoying the film. The film was entertaining. A cartoon film. A film that I had never seen before. I knew she loved it because she was squealing with joy. She was having candy. The fone rang. Greesha and the other child had to return to her home. But she was in no mood to go back. By the time we came out, it was already morning. The fone rings again. The sweet voice at the other end is concerned. ‘Come fast before Ravi gets up or he will be furious’. I take them into the car. As I shut the door, the indicator goes beserk. It makes a noise like my mobile phone. I try switching the indicator off. My eyes open.

Its 6.30. The alarm clock in my mobile phone is ringing. ‘Weird dream’, I think to myself. It was my first dream in the first night at my first home.

Chikungunya - A Kerala Story

I came down to Trivandrum on a visit and am on my way to Chennai. Landed Yesterday morning, i was in for a shock. There was a Hartal decided in Gods Own Country. The reason? A disease - Chikungunya, Tomato Fever. I scratched my short haired head. Scratched it twice, thrice... The concept seemed novel. A communist state, who doesnt believe in the concept of God is called Gods Own Country. So much for branding.

Further, when Communism is all about the hard working class of people, the people here are in the hardly working sector. Obviously, i don't understand the fact that a Hartal would get the mosquitoes to reform. Here is the classic case that would be seen in Kerala, outside a swamp full of mosquitoes.

Party Leader: Bandh karo bai bandh kora, bimari failana bandh karo!
Chamcha: PL hamara neta hai, sabka dard leta hai!
PL: Atyachar bandh karo, Khoon choosna bandh karo
Chamcha: Jab tak sooraj chaand rahega, PL bhai ka naam rahega!

Next to them on the border of the swamp is the Environmental Rights Activists dharna. They are staging a silent dharna with swanky mosquito headgears, in support of the mosquitoes.
Placard 1: The mosquitoes cant express themselves, and biting is the only way they communicate. Be mosquito friendly for an environmental peaceful world!
Placard 2: Chicken Gunya ya Chicken Tikka, Save the chickens. They are a gift to nature.
Placard 3: Mosquitoes and Chickens have feelings too! They feel hurt when you swat them.


Inside the swamp, two mosquitoes are in an indepth discussion.
Mosquito 1: I think this is going to revolutionize the industry.
Mosquito 2: This is one of the firsts in the New Medica Industry. Booble is interested in acquiring us. This is the most innovative and expandable form of new medica business strategies. We have achieved over 1 million hits with around 10% conversion into medical ill Health.
Mosquito 1: How much are they offering?
Mosquito 2: I think we can sustain on our own. We can later buy out Booble.
Mosquito 1: How can you be so sure?
Mosquito 2: I have tied up with the local parties and Environmentalists. They have struck a deal with us to provide their clients and are at the waiting room with them. They are dying to meet us...

Jihad - 32 Virgins in heaven

My Mac turned one today. I called him Makkan toast after Macintosh. A day of joy and sorrow. Joy, obviously because having a Mac laptop was what I craved for ever since I knew about Apple. Sorrow, because it was the same day the blasts happened. 7/11. Shocking memories. I know of a friend’s father who passed away in the blasts.

What did they gain out of it? What could anyone gain out of killing masses of people that you personally don’t even know? I tried to prod into the terrorist’s mind. I tried to think like him.

The terrorist, sitting in the car planning to drive into a busy street and blast the car and kill masses…
“I have to kill them, kill them all. They don’t follow my religion. My religion teaches me the best and no other religion talks the truth. I must kill them all. What if a child is there? Does he know what religion is? I should kill them all. It is for God. It is a holy war. What if that man has helped many people? What if he was kind to everyone, including people from our religion? I must kill them all. It’s the holy war. 32 virgins are waiting for me in heaven. I don’t care if they die.”

He rams his explosive car into a building. There is a numbing silence after the blast. The man feels his soul lifting from his body. His soul looks around. There is total destruction. Blood flowing everywhere. Debris left from the carnage all over the place.

“What did I do? There is so much sorrow” His soul writhes in pain “I am going to get 32 virgins in heaven. I did the right thing” His soul enters the gates of heaven. There are 32 women waiting for him. He is ecstatic. His dream has come true. The mentors indeed spoke the truth. He is taken to a chamber and is undressed. Oops!! He is castrated! ‘This is not fair!’ He cries out to God. He cries inconsolably. One of the virgin maiden comes to him and consoles him.

‘You are not the only one’ she says. ‘Every soldier of the Holy war comes here and cries like you.’ The man looks up in surprise. ‘Why do you think we are virgins?’

Sivaji - The Boss

Have you ever experienced the Rajnikanth fever. I remember vaguely some 15 years back. I was in Madras and my cousin took me to a movie. It was houseful and there was hardly anyone sitting in the first row. I wondered why! And then the inevitable happened, Rajnikanth made his entry. Coins were thrown on the screen and so did missiles of coconuts! The coconut was then distributed as prasad to the viewers. That was my introduction to Rajni. Rajni can do anything. He is a style icon. The films are beyond imagination. Who else do you think can do such ridiculous things with such panache? Think for a minute, a day, or a week and you know no one can come close to touch him. The only person who attempted that once was Mithun. But Rajni prevailed and that is the mark of a true Superstar!

I dont know whether i loved Sivaji or hated it. But I truly enjoyed it. Some enjoyed it for 'i dont know why' and some enjoyed at the panache of absurdity shown so real. Come Superman, Spiderman, Batman, Incredibles, there can be many superheroes, but there can be no one like Rajnikanth. Come to think of it, he is 60, but the fact that he can act as a 30 something, woo women, fight baddies and reform the country, come out of deadly situations without a scratch, is phenomenal. He makes flipping a coin a style. I wouldnt be surprised if you see young lads in chennai flipping a coin on the roads. That is what makes a style icon, he makes mundane things stylish.

The other thing that was amazing about this film was the multiplex. PVR, usually a haven for couples, college going guys with bulging arms and petite girls all the while pulling down their short t-shirts, looked like a big South Indian wedding. There were women dressed up with jewellery, gajras, men in lungis with horizontal white thikas who strolled the multiplex. It was a pleasant thing to see. It makes you feel that they have come to see something really important in their lives.

The film doesnot have logic. The success of the film does not have logic. It has made 450 crores and still counting. There is absolutely no logic to anything. But somethings in life should be left alone, without logic!

India Infinity

Finally, I have started working on something that has been so close to my heart. I have started working on India Infinity. Check http://www.indiainfinity.blogspot.com. Founded by myself and Kunal, it is with an aim to start working for our own country, India. Not just keep cribbing about the system but bring about a change in it. I have taken up the initiative of Farmers and Rural India. The following is an open letter to the world. We are open to all kind of suggestions, critiques and blasphemy.

It will document all the mails sent to different people and their honest reactions. Anything and everything is welcome, including bricks, sada hua tamatars and eggs... njoy

The Wall

I am standing
In the corridor
Waiting for someone
To open the door

The walls around
Seem so high
Hidden secrets
Those are blind to the eye

A mother’s sigh
A baby’s cry
A lover’s sob
Of a love went robbed

A toothless old man
Who loved a whisky can
A little maid,
Who was never paid

A drunken husband
A beaten wife
Quirky laughter
Of a child divine

Grandma’s memory
of a life gone by
Her children living
In a far of land.

A tear of love
A woe of sadness
A tinge of laughter
A life of happiness

Silent truths,
Spoken lies
Romantic dinners
And muffled fights…

I am staring at the empty space
That was once a busy place
People running to and fro
Each on their own brisky pace.

All of them have gone home,
To a person who they truly belong
I wish I could come home to you
And cuddle you when I felt so blue

Life has been such a thorny road
Petals and flowers, so it showed
Hiding the pain that lied beneath
Bleeding my heart until death.

I wish you were here
Sitting next to me
Staring at the stars above
Talking of the things we love.

China Sentences Former Drug Regulator to Death

China has done it!

check the link http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/29/world/asia/29cnd-drug.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Death penalty for a bureaucrat who took bribes for letting substandard food material into the market. I think this is one of the points that truly differentiates a country from others in terms of taking the term 'development' seriously. A term which tells the world, that they are serious about business. Low quality will not be tolerated. Low morales will not be tolerated. The Chinese Government has truly shown the world that they are putting in the right discipline in place.

It might be a harsh sentence, but I think it is very much needed. It gives a message to all the corrupt officials - You might be the next in line. Politicians will think twice before they accepts bribes, or even think about it. The common man wins. It tells the world that the Government cares about the people and does not want the people to suffer.

With great Power comes Great Responsibility, Peter Parker was told. Isnt it so true?

To the communist government, i salute. Take a bow.

Indian Government, Where art thou? It is good to learn from competition...

Anger is injurious to health! (of others)

It is said that Anger is injurious to the health... (of others)

Anger is a natural way of venting out emotional frustrations and breaking free. It cleanses the system. Just like puking, where unwanted objects are thrown out, anger throws out the internal frustration. Being angry is good, it keeps you healthy.

But, there is a flipside to it. What about the person who is facing you when the anger is vented out? There are different ways in which people vent out anger. The first reaction is to shout on top of your voice. Try it. It clears your throat. Sometimes if your ear is blocked, it even clears up the earblock. It helps you to hear more clearly.

The second way of venting out anger, (most common in women) is crying. This usually happens when the person is a bit introvert. For such people, they think that the situation is completely their fault. However they do not understand, it is nobody’s fault. Again, in this case, it clears the tear glands and washes the eye.

The third way, this now gets violent. There are different stages of getting violent. Some have the habit of punching their fists into the wall, some have the habit of punching into other people, and a very few percentage who kill. Killing may range from Cockroaches to human beings. This is the most dangerous anger of all.

Having set all these trends there has been a new trend in expressing anger, The Digital way. Mails and SMS have revolutionalized the way anger is expressed. A little bit of gibberish following the alphabet ‘f’ can convey so much that you can save a lot of vocabulary and energy from typing. Note, if you are really really angry, type with CAPS LOCK ON. Same with SMS’s.

Digital communication has taken off the charm from expressing anger, but it keeps the other person safe from being physically hurt or even killed.

I am lucky I survived. And probably a simple four letter word can cool tempers down. The word is called ‘SORRY’. Oops! I knew I was always bad at mathematics… still learning to count!!! Ok let me correct myself – A simple four letter word can cool tempers down. The word is called ‘SORY’ ;-)

So enjoy. Life is too short to be angry!!!

Needs and wants

When a man is poor, he has all that he needs and nothing that he wants.
When a man is rich, he has all that he wants and nothing that he needs.

Faith

Yesterday, when i was on the mountain looking at the beautiful lights scattered below, a thought came into my mind...

Sometimes faith is all that we have
And sometimes, faith is all that we need.

India Shining?

Off late, i was wondering what life is doing to us? Where is our country going to? What is it that we as humankind after? What is happening to our planet? The heat, the famine, global warming, poverty etc. Gandhi had once said that Development in the country is measured by the development in the cities. Ever since i heard tese words in Richard Attenbourgh's Gandhi, it had etched in my heart. I wanted to do something in rural india. Work with the farmers. I remember as a child, during my holidays, i used to help the workers in the adjoining fields when the bulls ploughed the fields. I was very happy sitting on the bulls and having tread in the fertile soil. When i go back into the same place, there is nobody to plough, the land has lost its fertility. That is when the issue of farmers came into my mind and i decided to prod in detail into this little thought.

I had decided quite early that at 45, i would leave everything and enter into politics. But when i think about it now, i think 45 is too late. I have to start NOW. Many of the lands have become infertile over a period of time. Many farmers are committing suicides. Many of them are quitting farming and coming to the cities in search of work, and in the entire bargain, our country needs to import foodgrain. How did this happen? What was the reason behind it?

I hve reason to believe that the countries are not run by Governments, they are led by multi-trillion multinationals, who control the world economy. Here is an example on how one sngle act of charity screws up our nation. Monsanto is a company that develops genetically altered seeds. This seed claims to be resistant to the deadly dendu illi. For its intial rounds Monsanto sold these seeds at a low price to excit the farmers. The seeds worked, and for an initial period of time, after which there were new pests. During these times they also increased the cost of the seeds. Farmers now used to these seeds started taking loans to buy seeds. And then one factor of the crop like rains, new pests etc, caome in and the crops are destroyed. The farmers had the seeds in stock, but what they did not know was that these seeds had a self termination gene which killed the seeds itself after one year. Hence, the farmer has to throw them and they have to take loan again for acquiring seeds. Soon the soil looses fertility. There is an age old tradition of farming which has survived many centuries, but suddenly how does the land become infertile. Obviously playing with nature, nature has the upper hand to deny productivity.

Crops fail. Farmers commit suicides. The agriculture production declines. India has to import. We become dependant on the multinationals who already have a surplus production in their commodity. They dump the surplus material into India and earn a handsome profit. We, sitting in India, buty them and make them rich. Is India really shining? I doubt so! Reliance has big expansion plans. Of late Reliance has bought out acres and acres of FERTILE Land, for what? Does the Ambanis know to lay seeds? I dont think so.

We sitting in the cities dont even know these problems. We get wheat, rice in the shops, we go and buy them. Who cares if it is imported? Who cares if some farmers have committed suicides for he cant grow crops? We have everything at the tip of our fingertips. Why care for that gauthi who doesnt know to speak English. We are much more learned than him, we have gone abroad, done our MBA and working at Call centres telling an American child information on salt water crocodiles, helping the american boy to do his home work!

I have decided to trudge on a difficult path. One day of my week to begn with, i am going to dedicate myself to the cause. I dont know how, but probably the first step would be to educate myself of the situation, then probably i will be in a better position to decide which way to walk....

Happy Honeymooning....

A cartton by Morparia which never made it to publication, obviously because of the political clout. But, unfortunately, forwards and blogs are more powerful now than the media! Happy Honeymooning to Abhishekh and Ash and .....

The Thakre's

Well, here is a piece of info I came across. Apparently Bal Thackeray or more popularly known as Balasaheb Thackeray has a British connection! Oops! Did I cause a mob to burn down my house, stamp over my car and create a bandh for two days in India. Probably it might be enough reason for such a thing to happen.

Well, I was browsing through some books in a book store and I came across a book called Vanity Fair, written by William Makepeace Thackarey. Yes, you heard it right WILLIAM MAKEPEACE THACKAREY! Read it again THACKAREY! THACKERAY. I blinked my eyes, it was THACKERAY. I rubbed my eyes! I banged myself into an iron column to see if I was dreaming. The name still shouted from the hardback cover. It said WILLIAM MAKEPEACE THACKERAY.

So now that I was in my senses and not sleeping and at the same time not hallucinating, I decided to come home and check out certain details. Thakre is a Maharashtrian name. Apparently, Thackeray is an Anglicized name. Do a Google search and you will know!

But looking back, wasn’t it Bal, who wanted to abolish the British connection with India, by changing the names of the cities, stations, airports etc. How come it did not start from his home itself? How come this fact never came to the fore? No body, not even the Opposition could make a mention of! Secondly, why are we so negative about the fact that we were ruled for over a 100 years. We were ruled because, we allowed the British to rule us. We were ruled because, they knew how to rule us. Ruling a country for more than 100 years is no mean task. They were a country with a vision of expanding its boundaries and setting their flags on distant shore. They were quite apt and methodical in that. We, as Indians were sitting in our own crab basket, dreaming that our country is the best.

It is a fact that we all have to learn to respect and accept within ourselves. We were ruled because we allowed them to. We made them leave because of our sheer determination. History can never change, but what we can change is the present and the future. Changing names will only allow a huge bureaucratic changes and money spending but not in the progress of the nation. Let the money be spent elsewhere, so that we can turn our country into a more self reliant India.

Let us accept the past and dream about the future!!!
As for the Thackeray's in this link http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,838984-4,00.html it says it was indeed his fathers liking to Williams literature that the name of the family was anglicized. But with such a strong stance in changing names of various places in the country to get rid of the British shadow, how come he missed out on his own name?

Bal Thakre, you can only anglicize your name, not yourself…

Justice Leak

Are people who give judgments just? How does one know that the Justice who gives judgments are true to their job. What if the judgment of the Supreme Court errs? Are they not human? What if justice was impaired? Is justice good enough for the common man?

Here are some examples. The judgment of the Jaipur high court on the Richard Gere kissing issue mentions that he might be arrested for kissing Shilpa Shetty! Now, wasn’t that too soon to be given a verdict. There are so many cases pending in the court, but yet a kiss that is so trifle an issue got the highest priority and the fastest judgment amazed me! There are so many cases of rape, theft, family feuds, murders etc. etc. to be solved since years, but yet a case of kissing gets a ruling and a judgment with a speed unknown to Indian Judiciary!

Alistair Pereira ran over seven poor people and was meted out a punishment of six months in jail. A ‘lenient’ judgment according to the press. In India, everyone is equal, only some people are more equal. What about the poor people, who live on a hand to mouth scenario every day, every hour? Are they not liable for justice?

Sanjay Dutt has got a light judgment. What if his name was Yusuf Mohammad who was a son of Mohammad, the juice waala? Would he have got a similar judgement? I wonder…

Summer Tag

Its quite a while that Cuckoo, tagged me, and that too a Summer tag! Summers in my childhood were nostalgic. Specially when I went down to my hometown in Kerala. It was like a yearly ritual, like a season that began with the end of the exams and ended with the beginning of a new term, which also meant that it was time to buy raincoats and gumboots! I just loved the thought of it, except that I had to go to school again! Eight things about summer? I don’t know if I can write down eight things but I will put down whatever I remember. If there are eight, great, if not, not so great!!

The train ride:
The train rides to Kerala used to be a hell of an experience. The train would leave at 6 o’clock from V.T. station, and would take three days to reach my home-town. So, to make it interesting all my dad and mom’s family would book the tickets together. It resembled more like a picnic. The house would be full of hurried activity the night earlier with packing of the bags and packing nimboo-chor(lemon rice) in banana leaves. The next day as the train chugged out of the station, it would be party time! All the kids would huddle together and get into antakshari and a game of ludo or snakes and ladders while somewould bury themselves into books of chandamama, champak or tinkle. Every new station would bring the cold drink walas and chaiwalas singing in a tune. I particularly remember once when I had stolen an orange, sitting on the top berth as the orangewala passed beneath. Through the entire day, me and my cousins kept picking up things from the baskets, the vendors used to carry on their heads until my dad spotted me and the rest was history.

The neighboring temple:
My house was close to a temple. A temple with a little pond. The temple is close to my heart for many reasons. I feel it is the most divine and unperturbed places in the world. A pujari washes the places and lights the diya everyday, and the pond was a bathing place to the villagers. The pond had a time for men and for women, and I was not aware of it. Once, myself and a friend who had accompanied me from Bombay went to the pond at 4 o’clock. We were playing the game ‘Who can stay underwater for the longest time’ I stayed for 45 seconds and it was his turn. He went under the water. It was almost 30 seconds when the women folk came, and asked me to leave. I left the place with his clothes and hid around the corner. The next I heard was women screaming and my friend scampering covering himself with a leaf of a coconut tree!!!

The late night shows:
My home was on NH17 and close to a ITI. One of the houses we had was always rented to the students and invariably I had made new friends everytime I was home. But there was this group of friends I made with whom I had lots of fun. In those days (1985) there was shortage of electricity and hence the nights would be pitch dark. The late night show in those times would end at 9 o’clock. Me, Das and Lukose would catch turtles from the well and plant a candle on the shell of the turtle and leave it on the road. When the people mostly half drunk would approach our house we would set them on the road. They would freak out like crazy. We would invent many tricks to scare the villagers, until one day, we came to know that a festival in the village temple had been announced to scare the evil spirits away! That’s when we realized we had enough, any more and we would get caught!

The mango farm:
In a place close to my dad’s house was a mango farm. The trees there bore fruits such that we just needed to throw a stone and at least three juicy mangoes would fall down. We would bite the mangoes till the juice drips all across the face and hands. Alas, the trees aren’t so fruit bearing any more.

The multiplication tables:
I remember in the middle of the night during my childhood, once the sun set, there used to be a ritual of my grand ma reading the gita and all the kids sitting around listening to it, and then each of us children would have to recite a multiplication table from 2 to 20. Phew! I always used to mess up and would have to keep repeating it all night long! Wonder whether these tables are helping me. What is 24 x 25? There is always a calc application on the computer. Well, my dad did not know, computers would be these advanced one day!!

The goods train ride:
Well this is not to be tried by anyone! We tried it and were lucky to survive, but looking back, it was a huge blunder which would have cost everybody dearly! Me and a cousin of mine would like to venture into the fields in the night for some adventure. Once my cousin had an idea. Everyday at a particular hour, a goods train used to pass by and slowed down. Our plan was to catch it while it is running, get off the next station and then return back! We did and reached back before it was morning. The train used to slow down at every station those days and we could get off easily, but looking back, it could have been VERY dangerous!

There are many more incidences, but I guess these were the top rated ones which I am absolutely nostalgic about. These are some experiences that many in my family don’t know. So if they are shocked, please, it all happened a long time ago!!!!

Well as usual, my list of taggers, I don’t have any… sorry about that!

Chala Murari Hero ban-ney!! Cannes ki yatra -

Announcement at Bombay terminal for Air France flight-
Yatriya kripaya dhyan de. Murari hero ban-ney chala hai Cannes. Unkey irdh girdh koi bhi vastu ko na chuiye. Yeh aap ke liye katharnaak saabith ho sakta hai.

Prelude

Cannes, a place of trivia for filmmakers, a place of splurging and indulgence for many of the rich European lads. A place nested in the South of France, this place has its own charm of a different kind, and yes, it comes for a price, and that too an exorbitant one. If France is an expensive place, Cannes is criminally expensive. But ironically, I am told it is expensive only during the festivals when the menu’s double up or even triple depending on the festival. A few notes on the place.

a) There are 40,000 dogs in the city (petted dogs)
b) The average life of a person in these lands is 92.
c) French women dress all their way into the coffin.
d) French would not speak English, even though the place is an international destination for many festivals. (I was told that they know English but they are too arrogant to speak it)

If you do not understand French, here are some tips -

1. When you accidentally step on/ bump into/ trip over a French woman, and she reacts sweetly, it doesNOT mean that she loves you. The problem is that French language sounds so sweet, you might mistake an abuse for a sweet lullaby.
2. Always smile and greet – Bon jour is the usual greeting used, and also end the conversation with Merci Beacu (meaning – Thank you)
3. Try to be animated while talking. Hand gestures are very good way of decoding the language

Observations about people –

a) People in Cannes are usually stylishly dressed. Be it 16 or 90, they are all well dressed. Even the waiters wear D&G, Chanel, Louis Vuitton etc. That explains the high bills and exorbitant tips.
b) They are amazingly fit. Almost everyone exercises.
c) French people are full of love. They can make love anywhere. Place time and surroundings are immaterial for expressing love in all forms and shapes. (Mumbai police, are you listening)
d) It’s a fact that the Europeans are rich. European beggars are also rich. They beg in Euros.

For people who are back again, this post has been edited. When I re-read the post, i realized i must have been drunk when i wrote the post and must have banged my head into a garbage can before i typed. My apologies for such bad writing. The chronicles of Murari is being re-written. By then keep your eyes open for the Click Zoom Snap blog update in a couple of days!!!!

Pammi and I Launched

Finally, Pammi and I has been launched. Gibberish News is the first to report the release of this cartoon. The cartoon is aimed at little children to teach moral values through fun stories. Greesha, a 5 year old child has an imaginary friend, Pammi who is here to study on Human behavioral patterns. and unfortunately, he has to study Greesha, the wacky little bundle of terror. A llittle series that is fun for both the parents and children, Pammi teaches both parents and children about moral and ethical values...



Keep checking this space for the release of Pammi and I on a channel in your television sets.

Businessmen affected at Bandra Bandstand

In an unprecedented scoop down by the police, many couples have been arrested for bringing out their homely passions into the open. The passions indulged at the promenade were seen as a serious offence by the residents who could watch live action happening ‘on the rocks’ and this, apparently was effecting the minds of the young children.

Many businessmen and women have been affected by this scoop down and are crying foul to this action on the police. One of them is Kamla.

Kamla: Idhar hamaara dhandha chaupat ho gaya hai. Nahi toh roz hamaara at-least paanch sau rupaiye ka dhandha hotha tha. Agar who log chumma chatti karthe they toh aasan ho jaatha tha. Ab manoranjan bi bandh or kamaayi bhi!!

Kamla is not the only one effected. There has been widespread discord amongst the tea stall owners and milkshake walas.

Pakya, milkshake wala: Pehle milk shake banaane ke liye bahut aasan tha. Sab fruits ko cut karne ka, doodh mein dhal ne ka, aur bahutsi ghaadiya hilthi rehti thi, uske upar dhabba rakhne ka. Gaadi hilthi rehthi thi aur do minute mein milk shake thaiyyar. Ab humko stall daal ke electric connection lena padega aur mixer bhi lena padega. Investment bahut zyaada hotha hai, aur return on investment kab hoga pata nahi, upar se ye police toh free mein pee ke jaatha hai.

The entire business community in the area is waiting with bated breath at the outcome of the scoop-down. We have reports that they will be bribing the cultural minister and try to convince him that the land of Kamasutra has to live upto its reputation by allowing the businessmen in this suburb to flourish.

Until tomorrow, this is Pyare mohan, reporting live from BBS.

123/5

Cuckoo has tagged me

The book i am reading since the last three months is Haruki Murakami's 'Hard-boiled wonderland and the end of the world'. A story about living in parallel universe. My speed is currently 2 paras per day and i havent reached page no. 123 yet. A crazy story, it was very tempting to go fast forward and catch an eye of the story. So here goes - Page 123 para no. 5 -

"Do you want to leave here?" she asks again.
I shake my head. Do I mean this as a "no," or is it only that i do not know?
"I just want to find out about the town," I say. "The lay of land, the history, the people, ... I want to know who made the rules, what has sway over us. I want even to know what lies beyond."
She slowly rolls her head, then fixes upon my eyes.
"There is no beyond," she says. "Did you not know? We are at the end of the world. We are here forever."

Well, i dont have much visitors anyways and the people who visit are already tagged. But my list of wanna be tags would be
1. Scott Adams (http://www.dilbert.typepad.com)
2. Anurag Kashyap (http://www.passionforcinema.com/anurag)
3. David Ruth (http://www.davidruth.blogspot.com)

Of Cialis and Viagra

I get email all the time. I have very less friends, but somehow I find friends in different parts of the world concerned about me and my life. People I don’t know. It is so touching. It is such a strange phenomenon. I try to analyse the situation. Imagine this. I get a mail from an unknown Linda. She offers me Cialis and Viagra. How the heck did she know about my intimacy life? Who is leaking it out? Almost the entire world is concerned about me not satisfying my partner. Gosh, the CIA and the FBI are really ruling the world. They keep a tab on everybody. I think they have their satellite camera’s on me. When I get out of the gate of my home, I see the watchman. He gives me a smile. Does he know it too. The smile had a smirk on his lips. His left lip going above the right end. I am sure he notices it too. An aunt from the neighboring building looks at me with disgust. I had broken her windowpane while playing cricket around 15 years ago. Does she still have a grudge against me or does she know about my life? Is it being telecast live on some private channel. I come down to office. Another woman by the name of Diana has mailed me. She promises long lasting experience. With a different milligram dose of Livita 1 mg. The subject line says “Tell me now OK.‘

I flip through the mails. most of them are online pharmacies. Did my psychologist give them my email ID? I click on the mail. It takes me to a website called http://www.meds4me.org. They show me the pills. Beautiful designed pills. It is only 2$ per pill. 90 Rupees for a satisfactory …. (u know) life.

What do I do? I have to get off the CIA and the FBI behind my back. I am not sure if they are taking my video when I am in the loo. What if it comes on the net? On youtube? Am I safe in this world? Am I the only person being watched?

Of Cricket, Betting and Pretty Women

This part of the news is presented by ‘Data Udipi Restaurant – Truly High class Vegetarian food’ and ‘Annamalai Restaurant – Pure Non vegetarian food’, Chennai.

Being in Chennai for the past couple of days, I have been inflicted on seeing the television with Fat ladies seducing dark moustached curly haired heroes singing in rhythm to AR Rehman’s beats all the time. A very few options in channels to watch, I am inflicted with the pain of Surya Kiran, Star Vijay, Surya TV and the likes. Watching the Tamil channels, I get the confidence that I can be a superstar. It is a place where ordinary looking people like me can dream about being heroes and romancing nymphets and heavy bellied beauties. My confidence at a all new high in my looks department today. Talking about News.

All I can see is Cricket and NDTV showing news of Cricket. So the News is indeed about Cricket. Bob Woolmer was murdered and Effigies of Indian Cricketers being burnt across the nation. Where do we stand today with India’s defeat and ouster of the World Cup? Well, with any slim chances, there might be a possibility of Bermuda winning the match and India going into the Super 8. Why?

Here is an analogy. Between Pakistan and Ireland, there was a betting stake of over 3000 Crores. It is a well known fact that Mr. D is a constant better in cricket matches. The odds were heavily in Pakistan’s favor. So anyone who bets in the name of Ireland will be making a huge fortune. Who in the sanest of mind would bet on Ireland? Only a sane person who can force Pakistan to loose. It is said that D has made 550 crores in that match. Probably Bob Woolmer might have known about it. I am just assuming this.
ASSUME = making an ASS out of U and ME. So forgive me if I am wrong. It is just an analysis. And analysis, mostly is always wrong!!

Now let us look at Bermuda and Bangladesh. There is a huge possibility that there was a huge betting conspiracy in the Bangladesh Bermuda match. Being the centre of attention of a billion people, there is a huge load of pressure on the players heads. Cricketters in our country are not sportspersons. They are of the status of demigods. But when they fail, they are morally murdered. One good match and they are back in action, sprayed across all channels in advertisements and hoardings. That is the status of a cricketer in India. India is the most highly paid cricketing nation. Once a cricketer laying for the nation, he is a millionaire. With all the sponsorers havng invested so much money in the Indian team, it is only likely that ‘if’ there is a betting theory that is true, Bermuda will win with Bangladesh. But there is another side to it. If Bob Woolmer’s murder is indeed connected to the betting racquet, the match would be a fair one. Another rigged match would only open up ways in getting to the roots of the betting Mafia. So it is a crucial day, both in the cricketing world and the betting world.

As for me, if Bangladesh wins, India will progress. Not in cricket, but in its productivity. There would be lesser tension while watching the matches. There would be more attendances in offices, and no one would care who takes the World Cup as long as they are entertained! That is what sports are for, isn’t it?

P.S. Waiting so badly to be back in Bombay. The only place where we can see smart looking women in this city is the television!!

US IQ

No it is not about hating US. It is just that it is SO STUUUPIIIID AAANNNDD FUNNYYYYY!!!

US opposes gas pipeline from Iran to India

Finally, the U.S. have spoken. They oppose Iran pile line into India. Why? Good question. Because of Iran’s nuclear policy which the U.S does not agree to. But what do they have to do with us and Iran talking. Who the f*** are they to interfere into our relations (two countries, India and Iran)

I salute Iran. I don’t agree by them completely, but I salute them. I salute them for standing on their grounds and doing what they think is best for their nation.

What would happen if India does not carry out the U.S. orders (but they were just suggesting, right?) Sanctions might be imposed. What difference does it make? I don’t see a thing. I feel, India should have the backbone in standing on its own feet than depending on BIG BROTHER U.S.

What happened to the Indo US nuclear program Bush had so emphatically agreed to. Bush said yes, but their parliament said no. For Indians at that point, it was an achievement, and the media jumped up and down. Even I jumped up and down. It seemed, that the voice of India was now audible enough for the hairy eared Bush. But I was wrong. There is not hair but wax in his ear.

The U.S. is brilliantly smart. They depend on the confuse and convince policy. During the 9/11 attacks, Bush would say ‘Go to Disneyland, we are a free country’ while on the other hand an army fficial would announce ‘There is a chance of chemical attack. Do not open any mail. We have information that Anthrax has been mailed to many residents’

For India, one part of their cabinet would say to support Indo US relation, on the other hand another section would have their reservations. The matter stays floating in limbo till eternity.

What happens if India has sanctions on it? I think that would be the best situation. When you compress a spring tight and release it, that’s when the spring has enough energy to jump really high. I believe, if the Americans don’t like what we Indians think or say, if they don’t agree with our policies, send all the Indians from America back to India. What will happen then? Obviously, the economy of the U.S. will crumble. Stop all the call centres in India. Obviously lot of jobs will go down the drain, but that will help India in the long run.

A few years ago, kids out of school or college wanted to become Engineers, Doctors, Architects. Etc… but ask any school-going kid now. They always have an option of joining the call-centre and making big bucks. What they do not realize is, in the bigger plan, America wants India to loose its brain power. Most of the scientists and entrepreneurs in the U.S. are Indians. India being a huge country, and also being a ‘developing’ country, there is a huge amount of will power, grit and dedication in the youth to improve the quality of life of each individual and the country as a whole. Money is the biggest factor to improve the quality of life. The good news is many of the Indians settled abroad are coming back. It is payback time. But unfortunately, what we need is better governance. I hope the Indian Government gives a whacking answer to the U.S. A strong back hand slap.

I hope the call centre business stops. It is draining us of intellect.

The call centre business is a two sided blade from the Americans. The high pay in call centres, allow the upcoming youth to settle for less in education for high pay scales, thus reducing the accumulative IQ of the country. The dependency of such mundane work from the U.S. makes us dependant on the U.S, which makes them control policy making in our country.


It is time for change.

Government of India, Learn something from Iran. Become self reliant. We as youth (atleast I know of myself) dream about a strong self reliant India. Allow us to make the dream come true.

Welcome to Gibberish News

The news is full of crap. If newspapers were to be recycled, they would have to be recycled as toilet paper. So since the news in the media is already full of crap, i thought it might be a nice thing to start just another news channel, but i am a bit selfish here. The news is only for me, interpreted by me and written by me and applauded by me. Atleast, i am not wasting my time licking someones a** and clicking someones **@#(*@#* (read: parparazzi)

Here comes my first article:

World Cup:

India is a developing country. We are patriotic. We like to watch a few individuals playing and bringing India into the foray of World News. While some unfortunate souls slog their butt and bring India into the super power, most of india is engrossed in watching the willow play before hitting the pillow. The Carribean world cup.

Every World Cup, Indians spend millions for this team. They are eleven individuals, who grew up to play. They wanted their childhood to continue and make their country proud. They started earning big bucks. They are media's darlings. Media - they are the one who make or break a life.

Sehwag - he was supposed to be ousted from the team. What a dilapidating performance. But with Bermuda (I really thought the players were lads playing wearing Bermuda's) he hits a century. Probably, its a sign that Sehwag can lay better in gully cricket. But now he is back from the ashes. He knows his place is secure in the team with some four more sad dismissals. He will be under fire again before he hits another century. The media maketh the man, and media breaketh a man.

Indian audiences love to scream and dream. Everyone of us would vouch for India, we are all very patriotic. But deep inside we know there are better teams. When we lost to Bangladesh, all hell broke loose. India should come back on the 24th, some sentiments sounded so loud and clear. We know we play badly, yet every cricket loving Indian would be glued to the TV, waiting for a miracle to happen. We are a country of hope, and we believe in miracles.

I believe in miracles. I am waiting for a day when the media would be a bit more saner. Where important deeds and views would be reflected than some high profile wedding or a mild heart attack of an actor. There are much more important things in life than someone's extra marital or marital affair.

Another point to note. I like football and hockey. Not that i follow the game, but the beauty of these games other than cricket is that it ends in a couple of hours. A normal human being can go to work, take a break from work, watch the match and then get back to life. Unlike cricket, where the entire day is wasted and the entire night brooding about a loss of a match that would have made the players richer and provided them with more ad endorsements...